“I’ll cook dinner if you cook breakfast” is far from an original chat up line, but it worked for this guy.
He was chuffed to secure a date with a hot single mum he met in the supermarket and he went all out in the kitchen.
She was clearly impressed and they ended up spending the night together – but he was horrified when she served up her part of the deal the next day.
The man told his story to Erika McCall and Niesha Forbes for their book All Good A Week Ago, a collection of funny, awkward and embarrassing dating stories.
Be warned this story contains some adult content…
One afternoon at the grocery store, I spotted a bad chick that caught my attention.
There are some women in life; you just can’t pass on, and she was one of them.
This hottie made me want to bring my best aisle game. When it comes to shooting your shot in the grocery store, it depends on the aisle.
The aisle can give you the advantage to come correct with an approach. For example, a man can’t be alpha in the vegetable aisle, and it was no way I was going to look like a beta male hollering in the produce section.
I couldn’t bear the thought of her response. The meat aisle is an excellent section for light humor and recipe exchanges, but the middle aisle is where it all began.
I decided to make my move when I saw her hit one of the middle aisles in the cereal section.
“Captain Crunch or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?”
I knew this question would crack a smile from her.
“Cinnamon Toast Crunch”, she replied
“Naw, I’m rocking with Captain Crunch”, I told her.
We stood and debated long enough for me to know where she was from and what she did for a living.
Within 10 minutes, I offered to cook for her. She quickly obliged. I told her it was under one condition: that she cooked for me in the morning.
She knew I was implying that I wanted her to stay the night with me and seemed just as thrilled as I was for a sporadic encounter.
We exchanged numbers and parted ways to continue our shopping.
With excitement, I shifted gears since I was going to have company later. She was a bad chick, so I wanted to go all out.
I know how women love a man that can cook, so on the menu was buttermilk chicken breast with roasted potatoes and corn.
It was a special occasion, so I spared no expense to prove it. I topped it off with some Henny [Hennessy, a type of brandy], of course!
The day leading up to seeing her was refreshing. It was like waiting ’til midnight to open a Christmas gift.
When she pulled up to my apartment, it was showtime. I put on a movie while I wrapped up my meal.
I set the dinner table up real nice and pulled out a chair for her to sit down.
We talked while she gushed over the food and was impressed with the effort I put in.
Things eventually led to the bedroom, and we had a good night. A very good night.
Morning came, and after a quickie, I was famished. I led her to the kitchen and showed her where everything was, and went to lay back down.
I felt like a king as I laid in bed, waiting for my breakfast. She came into the room, excited for me to taste.
I looked at the plate with a side-eye.
“What in the hell is this”, I thought to myself.
The bacon was burnt but salvageable, and the grits were harder than pool hall chalk.
I hoped to God the other stuff was not eggs. Why would she even have two eggs on my plate: one scrambled and the other over easy?
Who gives options like that? It made sense why I met her in the cereal aisle.
As she looked at me waiting for me to take my first bite, all I said was the first thing that came to mind.
“Damn, babe, I don’t even eat eggs. Never have.”
I was so glad I never told her how much I love eggs.
She rolled her eyes and replied: “So why do you have eggs in your fridge?”
She was right. I told her: “I rent out my place on Airbnb. I buy water and breakfast food for my guests. I’m trying to be a super host!”
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She apologized for not asking for my preference and assuming that’s what I liked. Her submissiveness was attractive, but honestly, she should have apologized for doing my eggs like that.
They were so bad she needed to serve a weekend in jail for that mess.
I tried to put this horrible meal in the back of my mind because she had such a dope vibe.
We hung out a couple of times after, but it was short-lived. She was a law student and a single mom.
I wasn’t looking for someone to debate with about how bad their child was. It was a bad combo for a bachelor, so in legal terms, that relationship was quickly dissolved.
But, my love for eggs remained. A couple of months later, I was out with some friends and decided to close out the night at the Standard Hotel to grab a bite. I ordered my favorite dish: steak and eggs.
During loud laughs and jokes with the homies, I noticed the chick I met in the cereal aisle. I tried to refrain from making eye contact.
Just my luck, she walked past my table. I was about to devour some of the most amazing eggs I have ever tasted, and her disposition was unforgettable.
She looked as if she wanted to know what I was doing, like the audacity of me.
Her eyes followed my hand, feeding my mouth. As I was about to take my first bite, she said, in a high-pitched voice: “I thought you didn’t eat eggs, Joe!”
I was preparing to smooth it over and tell her I was just eating to soak up the liquor.
Before I could respond, a random guy from another table yelled, “He didn’t like YO eggs, b****.”
I think I spat my food out. Every soul in there started laughing, and that was probably one of the funniest nights I can remember.
She walked away, and that was the last time I saw her. I guess what I learned from the experience is that if a woman chooses Cinnamon Toast Crunch over Captain Crunch, run, Forrest Run.